Existence of hell proved! (Pt 2 of 2)

(Disclaimer: Dear reader, I hope that the following doesn’t cause too much offence. At least you don’t just get the same old boring stuff here, and if you want clean language, visit this blog)

Hell, to finish this mini-series, is not only ‘proved’ by our Russian ‘Gates of Hades’ smashing drill friends, but also by the two most remarkable ‘visions of hell’ to have spewed forth from modern charismatic circles.

Don’t get me wrong, many charismatics can be precious Christians with a delightful relationship with God that should make many of us theologians ashamed of using the word ‘spirituality’ casually. Nevertheless, the ones I want to cite as ‘proof’ for the existence of hell inspire me about as much as a fart in a crowded lift.

When some charismatics stand up and say ‘God said ...’ this and that, I’m fine with it, even if I find the ‘God said’ a tad too much for me. I nevertheless appreciate their desire to ‘strive for the spiritual gifts, and especially that you may prophesy’ (1 Cor 14:1).

But when whack-jobs get going ...

Anyway, I will keep this short, cos it winds me up. First, here is a link to a certain ‘prophetess’ by the name of Mary Baxter, the lady who also helpfully provided access to the ‘audio recordings from hell’ in my previous in this series. She confidently informs us that her visions (put on a strong southern American accent here) ‘were given unto me by Jesus Christ of Nazareth’. Note the ‘unto’, not merely ‘to’ me. Her visions involve all sorts of horrifying scenes where demons spend their time enjoying torturing helpless humans, while Jesus stands coldly to the side, holding back Mary from showing compassion. Here you can download a file and listen to her testimony in her own words. You know you want to.

Specialist terminology has been used throughout church history, of course (e.g. ‘consubstantiation, dispensationalism, infralapsarianism etc.’), so I’ve invented my own theological term to describe what is going on here.

‘Crockovshit’, is my designated neologism.

I’m hoping it will catch on and find itself into theological dictionaries at some stage next to other ‘c’s like Calvinism, catechism, communion, covenant theology, etc.

Another visionary. This time, the gentleman spent 23 minutes in hell. Here you can read his moving account of what happened to him, and what he ‘saw’. I say ‘moving’. It certainly caused me to move my hand to the ‘close internet explorer button’ with speed, and then ‘moved me’ to clutch my head in despondency. You can also download this video in which he tells us all in his own words. Basically, he spends about an hour and a half telling us that the bible predicts String-Theory, Copernicus’ discovery, and various other geological and scientific facts, before scaring the living crap out of the audience with pictures of perverse human torture, unspeakable pain and suffering at the hands of evil huge ugly demons, and other imp-like versions. Oh, and by the way, ‘Jesus loves you’. His handling of scripture is a perfect example of how not to use the bible, but that is an error hopelessly overshadowed by the content of his visions. Of course, it is middle age art in the guise of being ‘biblical’.

It seems, as with both of these Fundie visionaries, that the devil has quite a lot of fun in hell, doing what he most enjoys. So, hell turns out to be a place of entertainment for demons, all the while a tad uncomfortable for us poor humans. Still, anyone who has visions of great big twelve foot demons shoving red hot pokers up one’s arse has to be a prophet of Jesus Christ, so no wonder they’ve been given a stage.

... to spew forth their wretched, pastorally insensitive and unbiblical putrifications.

Main Entry: Crockovshit
Phonetic pronunciation: [krok ov '∫it (interjectionally also 'shē-et)]
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ‘crok o’shee’, from Old English ‘crocc shiesse’; akin to Old High German ‘Krock von Scheiße’
Date: before 21th century