Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Existence of hell proved! (Pt 1 of 2)

You may remember, I recently offered proof for the existence of heaven.

I realise that this mini ‘proved!’ series isn’t lending well to the sort of reputation I wish to stick to Chrisendom and so I say (just in case), especially if you are new to this blog: I am being ironic. Well, ‘I’m mocking’ may be closer the truth, but either way, and rather appropriately, today I offer proof for the existence of hell!

Do I believe the NT teaches the existence of hell? Yes. So at the close of this two-part post, I shall add some sensible thoughts. But first to the silliness!

Yes, hell is proved.

Wipe those cynical looks off of your faces - we are talking empirical and verifiable evidence, we are talking Kantian ‘pure reason’ deduction, we are talking ‘logically positive’ Humite verifiability, here.

Apparently, according to the following evidence, hell is quite literally under the surface of the earth. Yes, a group of scientists have discovered its location, right near the centre of the globe. Of course, the bible has always claimed this: ‘descending to the depths’ etc. And how did they prove this? What is the proof that is exciting certiain precious conservative brothers and sisters?

Well, a team of gentlemen drilled a hole in Siberia.

Yep, a hole.

In the ground.

And it seems that one of their drills, so they claim, and this is they key bit, ‘broke through the gates of Hades’.

This is proof enough, of course, but they were also fortunate enough to have recorded some of the screams of hell’s torments they heard which was really very thoughtful of them.

That’s right, you read me correctly. Thus, unmistakable empirical audio data has now been collected, verifying medieval art, err, the bible I mean.

I can still sense your scepticism, you hard-hearted theologians you. Well doubt no longer, you can even listen to it yourself. Stop doubting my Thomite readers, and click here to listen in for yourself, and here to go to the webpage (though this page is a red-alert level for potential ‘I’m so pissed off I’m really upset now’ effect, so enter with care).

And if you are still doubting, then I am glad to be able to offer even more for you in the following post, when, among other delights, I shal be introducing you to some imp like demons who enjoy ‘tearing the flesh off of human victims’.

Who needs Nightmare on Elm Street when you have visionary Fundamentalists to keep you entertained!


At 7/27/2006 3:24 AM, Anonymous Ben Myers said...

There's a humorous scene about this in the Bob Dylan film, Masked and Anonymous.

At 7/27/2006 9:27 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

Reason enough to watch it. I don't know about you, Ben, but I find the sort of thing I linked to both funny and irritating at the same time.

At 7/28/2006 6:45 PM, Anonymous Alan Bandy said...

You are the Mark Twain of Bloggers. Better yet, you are the Monty Python of Bloggers.

At 7/28/2006 9:53 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

An honourable comparison indeed! Cheers!


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