Monday, January 07, 2008

What Would Jesus Write?

I am glad to inform you that I have found a few books allegedly written by none other than our Lord and Saviour. So, at least, this is what Amazon informs us. He has written numerous works, actually.

This one, a solid 425 pages, is called The "I Am" Discourses, Published in the Saint Germain Series (Hardcover). He co-authored, Amazon tells us, with Lotus Ray King. Let's face it, Jesus Christ is going to sell even more books than the Pope or Wright put together. Surely the people at Saint Germain are rubbing their hands. A bonus is that it is also written in English, which really goes to show that Jesus and Moses really did speak (KJV) English. Of course, this also solves the whole Johannine 'problem', and the authorship of the Gospel.

While on the subject of authorship, it seems the whole authorship of the NT problem is also solved:

THE NEW TESTAMENT of our Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST. Translated out of the Greek. Being the version set forth A.D. 1611 compared with the most ancient authorities and revised A.D. 1881 (Hardcover) by Jesus Christ (Author).

Then there is The Word of Life (Hardcover) by Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Fair enough.

Perhaps most surprising is that Jesus has co-authored with none other than Terry Eagleton.

The Gospels (Revolutions Series) (Paperback) by Jesus Christ (Author), Giles Fraser (Editor), Terry Eagleton (Introduction)

I can't say I would like to be Jesus' editor. I would feel, well, sinful sending him back the proofs with corrections. 'Correct this, Jesus' – and lightning strikes. This one, I'm guessing, will clear up all of the Gospel discrepancies, and pave the way for a proper harmonization. Exciting times!

I wondered what else Jesus Christ could write, seeing as he has written so much already (indulge me):

  • How to be Like Me, and Why You Need to Know
  • Yes, Pauline Christology is a divine-Christology. And the Trinitarians were Right all Along.
  • Peter I knew, Wright as well, but who is Bultmann?
  • The Truth About Q-Communities Exposed. I never heard of them.
  • Yes, Bauckham is Right. Often.
  • Barth, Jüngel, Benedikt, Aquinas, Anselm, etc. were/are all pinhead theologians. Let me tell you the Truth.
  • Why Dunn's commentary on Galatians is the Best
  • Who will Win the Superbowl/World Cup for the next 200 years
  • Did Moses Really Speak KJV English?
  • If the Minimalists were Right, I wouldn't be here Writing this Book and would simply vanish in a demythologised puff of hermeneutically suspicious smoke.
  • What Would Jesus Do? The Answer Book.
  • Ten Thousand Reasons To Give my Friend, Chris Tilling, a Job When he Completes his Doctorate


At 1/07/2008 10:22 PM, Anonymous ndrwcmpt said...

Would Jesus' book about the superbowl/world-cup be written from the perspective of his divine nature or of his human nature? That might influence how accurate his predictions are!!! :)

At 1/07/2008 10:25 PM, Anonymous Catriona said...

Now I know that the last of these is clearly not by JC because he would never use the number 10,000.

Seventy times seven reasons, or 144,000 reasons but not 10,000. Sorry, you made that one up!

At 1/08/2008 6:00 PM, Anonymous Josh McManaway said...

Actually, National Geographic translated the last title incorrectly. It's actually, "Remember Sodom and Gomorrah? That's what will happen to your school if you hire Chris Tilling, so saith the Lord." With an introduction by N.T. Wright.

At 1/08/2008 11:58 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

Hah, ndrwcmpt (great name!), a nice theological point. All kinds of room for new heresy here.

Catriona, a clever point, have you not heard of incarnational hermeneutics? Surely he would become more decimal in our day and age .... :-p

Josh, that wicked comments is wicked even for a Catholic. Just be glad you are miles away, or I'd pope you one on the nose!

At 1/10/2008 11:13 PM, Anonymous Jason Pratt said...

Dude, easiest job in the world, being proofreader for Jesus Christ: nothing at all _to_ correct. {g} Also, no punctuation to look over. (Unless He wrote in KJV English. Or maybe in some Vulgar tongue... Did Jerome's Latin have punctuation?)

I'm guessing the NT "translated out of the Greek being set forth in 1611 and revised 1881" must be the Textus Receptus. I actually have a nice interlinear copy of that here in my desk drawer for handy reference. (It's Green's edition. Okay, yeah, it's the TR, but for those of us plodding along in UBS or Nestle/Aland it's still handy 99% of the time.)


At 1/11/2008 6:01 PM, Anonymous Stephen (aka Q) said...

This is a very informative post, as usual, Chris. I find it particularly striking that Jesus authored not the King James Version but the Revised Version of 1881. So the KJV-only crowd and the NIV crowd are both wrong!


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