Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas spirit

The Father Christmas Competition is open again. Log your results in the comments box.

Addendum: A special 2007 bonus point, suggested by Josh McManaway, is offered this year. Add one extra point (even if you get no visible reaction), if you say to the kids: ‘Santa isn’t real and if he were, he would hate you’. Two bonus points if you flash that one while their mum is standing next to you.

Addendum two: Take a hunk of chicken-on-the-bone with you, and if you convince any dew eyed kids that the half eaten carcass was a present wrapping elf called ‘Fluffy’, add two points (advice: show a picture of cute 'Fluffy' for maximum effect).

UPDATE: Thus far, Chris Tilling has accumulated 15 points. I luckily had a bus full of toddlers to work on today (sadly no tears, but plenty of wet-eyed nods of concession). Yea baby!

UPDATE II: Chris Tilling whips out the ‘Santa isn’t real and if he were, he would hate you’ line ten times while buying presents for his family, this afternoon. The eyecontact with one little girl lasted long enough for a little blubber time, doubling my score! Awesome! This brings me to my all time best of 50 points. *Shouts a Benny Hinn sized AMEN!*

UPDATE III: Nick (the incarnate evil) Norelli has been slaying and ninjaing his way to 75 points! Well done, Nick! Respect for the tears. They are rare, precious moments.

12 Comments:

At 12/19/2007 4:04 PM, Anonymous J. B. Hood said...

Chris,

How does one score (1) relatives, i.e., nephews, nieces, grandparents?
(2) One's own offspring?

 
At 12/19/2007 7:59 PM, Anonymous One of Freedom said...

You are an evil evil man Chris Tilling.

 
At 12/19/2007 11:18 PM, Anonymous Nick Norelli said...

Since I am just finding out about this competition, can I include points accumulated unknowingly in the past 2 years?

2 years ago I taught my Sunday School class of young men ages 5-15 that there was no Santa and any of their parents who said otherwise were LIARS! That would have gotten me 18 points plus double score for making two of them cry.

So by my estimate if you award me retroactively for work I've been doing for years I should be at least at 74 points.

Plus, I kicked my infant nephew in the back and told him there was no Santa just today -- he cried for quite some time.

:^P

 
At 12/19/2007 11:39 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

JB, no extra points for relatives, I'm afraid. Though if it is your own offspring, doublke your score, cos that shows real commitment.

No, Frank, Nick is the evil man!

Nick, see the update.

 
At 12/20/2007 11:03 AM, Anonymous Owen Weddle said...

You would make such a great father. Have you ever thought of adopting some orphaned kids just to up your score?

 
At 12/20/2007 5:21 PM, Anonymous Craig Downey said...

You're competition is getting national media attention.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/ireports/2007/12/20/ireport.santa.scary.cnn

I count at least four points.

 
At 12/20/2007 5:23 PM, Anonymous Craig Downey said...

oops. That link isn't showing up well here's the full link.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video
/ireports/2007/12/20
/ireport.santa.scary.cnn

 
At 12/21/2007 3:10 AM, Anonymous steph said...

Of course he's real you lying cretans. It's his birthday on Tuesday. Who else eats all the gingernuts and drinks all the beer on Christmas Eve and who else's reindeer drink all the milk left outside for them? May all your children disown you.

 
At 12/21/2007 7:16 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

Thanks for the link, Craig. Funny stuff!

Owen, GREAT idea!

Oh Steph, you need to read this:
http://linuxforblondes.com
/blondeblog/_articles/6.html

 
At 12/21/2007 11:04 PM, Anonymous steph said...

You blondes. Killjoys, wet blankets. Maybe another reason I changed my born blonde to a henna'd red.

 
At 12/24/2007 4:01 PM, Anonymous One of Freedom said...

Ack! I'm losing points.

For some inextricable reason my oldest has decided to start believing in Santa despite all our efforts and good upbringing??? I've tried levelling with her, jibeing her and even scowling in her direction, all to no avail. She decided, for some reason beyond me, that Santa is real???

I think it has to do with this $300 toy (Fur Real Pony??) she wants but I've explained is too extravogant to expect.

How much in the hole am I now? Oh, and she makes me cry with all this santa believing crap, so I guess that's worse.

 
At 12/25/2007 8:46 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

Frank, that is awful! You loose!

 

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