The New Revised 95 Theses

In honour of Reformation Day I long ago began the ambitious project of dynamically translating / updating the 95 These for modern people.

I have of course matured a lot since then, and now understand the necessary gravitas needed for the crucial task of sober modern theological reformation. The church needs clarity of thought and incisive but gracious critique. Unfortunately, many theologians most equipped to help the church are living in Ivory Towers, unable to use “normal people speak”.

Hence, my second thesis takes us into important waters, one concerning social responsibility in light of Reformation theology.

*drum roll*

2. Stop using your damn mobile phone while sitting at a table socialising with frickin real people in front of your ugly face. At least give some money to your local priest and pray to the Patron Saint of Indulgencies that this reduces your need for eschatological asbestos underpants.