Censored Blogging

Unless something urgent comes up, in my next posts I'll be looking at the question of Christian Zionism. Until then, a question:

Do any of you write posts for a blog and then think: ‘That’s way over the top, surely I’ll unnecessarily offend some poor soul with this one’, and so never actually post it?

I do.

But these days my gentle deference to theological sensibilities has evolved into obedience to the mantra ‘what the hell’. So today I offer a post from my forbidden vaults – something I wrote about 10 months ago for my old blog. If you’re Lutheran, you may want to skip this one.

--------------------------------------

In the light of the 31st October (Reformation Day) I've come to a conclusion:

A new 95 theses is needed.

And all the more so as Luther's list is, well … past its sell by date. In fact - I think all will agree - its in desperate need of a modernising revamp.

Besides, I don't think Luther even used a King James Version to support his points which is really careless. Plus he was a bit ugly. I'm not trying to offend any of you Lutherans out there; I'm just stating a fact. His facial features look like they were put on in the dark in a rush, then rearranged by some proto-Picasso medieval plastic surgeon. But then again, I'm not one to harp on about looks so I'll shut up before this one boomerangs on me. Its what's inside that counts.

And what is more, today one is simply spoilt for choice as to the number of potential doors to start hammering a list on. But a new list is needed nevertheless. One that wont just make the selling of indulgencies look stupid.

Henceforth, and in true ecumenical spirit, I will be posting a new 95 theses, one by one over the next few months [present day editorial comment: naturally, having given up on the first post, I didn't bother continuing this series]. I wont be starting off with the most important ones - more like using them to get warmed up for the biggies. And, admittedly, they will not all be entirely serious. But whatever, consider them nailed on your door.

So now is time (drum roll in background), for the very first of the New International 95 theses Version.

1. The use of bad words like 'shit', 'tit', 'bollocks', 'arse', etc. is not clever, not funny nor grown-up. OK, maybe a bit funny. If someone says 'such and such' has gone tits-up then that can be mildly funny, and I'm not really sure what it means so it’s probably a bit clever too. But its not grown-up. So don't do it.