Sunday, December 06, 2009

Some unique Amazon Christmas gift ideas

Here you can buy what is called a 'Gentlemen's Ball Scratcher', which comes with two nice features:

  • Handheld Chrome effect Ball Scratcher, Presented in a deluxe metal case.
  • This quality silverware utensil is dishwasher safe, and has a stain resistant surface.

As one astute reviewer writes on the Amazon site: 'I've been using the ball scratcher for almost a day now, but have to say that it should be used with care. It seems to have upset several of the people whose balls I've tried to scratch with it. Maybe it's best kept for personal use.'

Yes, maybe a good idea.

Or here you can buy the 'Gentleman's Willy Care Kit', which comes complete with a Fluffing Brush, Styling Shear, Sprucing Mirror, and a Metal Bracelet all packed in a Fine Leatherette Box.

As one reviewer comments at Amazon: 'I used to be ashamed of my willy. People used to point and yell 'What an unkept willy!' I was bullied at school. But then I bought the Gentleman's Willy Care Kit, and now, instead, people yell 'What a fantastic willy!' and all my friends think I'm really cool'

A moving testimony.

By the way, if you were wondering: I happened across these items because I was looking for a head massager like this one. OK? I wasn't looking for anything else. Just so you know.


At 12/06/2009 7:19 PM, Anonymous Robin Parry said...

And with that last sentence we all breathed a sigh of relief. :-)

At 12/06/2009 9:21 PM, Anonymous Christmas Tree Ornament said...

Interesting post. Thank you

At 12/08/2009 1:32 AM, Anonymous Edward T. Babinski said...

It's Biblical Chris.

Of all people, a biblical scholar like yourself should know the benefits of keeping one's willy well groomed in case someone needs to take an oath on it

And Abraham said to his male servant, “Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, And I will make thee swear by the Lord.” (Gen. 24:2-3 & 47:29, KJV)

“Putting one’s hand under the thigh” was a euphemism for placing it on a person’s genitals. That was apparently how the ancient Hebrews took solemn oaths because of the blessedness of the “seed” which God had promised to multiply to Abraham and his descendants. Today we take solemn oaths by “placing one hand on the Bible.” I guess if we lived in a “Bible-less” society like Abraham’s, the job of bailiff might be more “interesting.”

Solomon “had seven hundred wives, princesses and three hundred concubines” (1 Kings 11:3). Yet his son, Rehoboam, said, “My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins” (1 Kings 12:10). This explains:

a) The hasty departure of the Queen of Sheba?

b) Solomon’s obsession with cedar beams?

[Answer: None of the above--Rehoboam’s boast concerning his “loin size” was a metaphor for the way he planned to lay a “heavier yoke” upon his people than his father Solomon had done. Such a metaphor parallels the ancient “penis oath” practiced in the Bible, whereby people would swear an oath or allegiance to a king or tribal leader by “giving the hand (under),” or, “laying it on” the leader’s generative organ.]

At 12/08/2009 2:57 AM, Anonymous Jason said...

Clearly, the unavailability of the ball scratcher on tips the debate over British vs. American supremacy in health care technology in y'all's direction, CT. Long live the Queen.

At 12/09/2009 10:40 AM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

Thank you all for the laughs!!

At 12/09/2009 8:57 PM, Anonymous Charles Augustine Rivera said...

"How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace," if you catch my drift.

At 12/17/2009 8:48 AM, Anonymous andrewbourne said...

Surely these may be gifts are the next SBL meeting for the likes of Dr Jim West reading some of his blogs I think it might actually improve his Victor Meldrew moods when he writes


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