Pimp My Liturgy - 03
It is time to turn to from the Dead Sea Scrolls to that related of Christian denominations, the Southern Baptists.
Many at the grass roots of the Southern Baptist movement are not, I am led to believe, the most ecumenical of Christ's flock. Especially when it comes to Catholics. Added to that, the Southern Baptists are also not too hot when it comes to liturgy. So, instead of pimping their own liturgy, I thought I would simply write a pre-pimped liturgical chant with which to greet Catholics during any so-called 'ecumenical gatherings'
i. to be chanted repeatedly in a Death Metal kind of way, but also said in love.
ii. To the tune of 'He's got the whole world in his hands'
"Don't look at me like that
you scabby little phallus,
Or I'll rip off your Catholic head
and play glockenspiel with your ecumenical frontal lobes
See that dog poo lying on the floor over there?
That's your room temperature IQ mum that is.
Your theology looks like it fell out of the ugly tree
and hit every heresy on the way down
In the comments, one wise soul pointed out that I should have made so much more of this liturgical nugget had I given more effort to the form of the text when chanted to the tune of "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands". Below is the new text, for those who don't want to attempt the "loving death metal version":
To the Tune of "He's got the whole world in his hands"
“Don't look at me like that (you scabby little phallus)
I'll rip your head right off (you scabby little phallus)
And I'll play glockenspiel (you scabby little phallus)
with your ecumenical frontal lobes!
See that sloppy dog poo? (that's yo mama)
with room temperature IQ (that's yo mama)
theology fell out the ugly tree (like yo mama)
and hit every heresy on the way down.
Labels: Pimp My Liturgy