Monday, October 29, 2007

Modern incarnations of previous theologians

(My recent series of dubious posts is not about to change tonight; I'm too tired to write anything sensible. But I've always got bit of energy left over to have a prod at Jim)

Rudolf Bultmann – Joel Osteen (he is resurrected in Joel's kerygma)

Zwingli – Benny Hinn (similar hairdo, holy healing hands etc.)

Karl Barth – David Bentley Hart (ok, totally ridiculous, but both are polemic theologians)

Jonathan Edwards – John Piper

Heinrich Bullinger – Rick Warren (it is a pity that "A Purpose Driven Reformation" was lost in that fire)

Origen – Chomsky

Charles Wesley – MC Hammer

The Sorcerer Simon Magnus – Jim West

Apostle Paul – Put Brother Yun and Rowan Williams in a blender

Calvin – Pope Benedikt XVI (it's late, I'm tired and confused. But you know I'm right)

Benjamin Warfield – Bishop Spong

Jesus - Jesus

Apostle Peter – I suppose I should say the Pope, but, well, I'm not Catholic. So:

Apostle Peter – Homer Simpson, Mother Teresa and Reinhard Bonnke in a blender (that may get me into trouble)

The Beast of Revelation – Michael Barber (nobody calls me Spong)


At 10/29/2007 11:58 PM, Anonymous Owen Weddle said...

I am offended by the Bultmann/Osteen comparison. I mean, how could you sully the good name of Osteen by comparing him to dregs like Bultmann?

At 10/30/2007 12:22 AM, Anonymous Jim said...

Owen's in peril of a public scolding like you've gotten, Tilling...

At 10/30/2007 1:12 AM, Anonymous Judy Redman said...

You say Apostle Peter – Homer Simpson, Mother Teresa and Reinhard Bonnke in a blender (that may get me into trouble) and you think comparing Calvin to Benedikt XVI won't???!!! I don't mind what you say about Zwingli, but Calvin's name must remain sacrosant. I think you ought to post heresy warnings on this blog. :-)

At 10/30/2007 1:23 AM, Anonymous Jim said...

Judy, Judy, Judy (said in the voice of Cary Grant). I've come to expect that sort of meanness from Tilling and the other Wrightianists- but from you, She-ra?

At 10/30/2007 5:15 AM, Anonymous James Pate said...

How'd B.B. Warfield degenerate to Bishop Spong?

At 10/30/2007 5:37 AM, Anonymous Judy Redman said...

Well, OK, Jim. Maybe I was a bit precipitous. Nasty words about any of the great reformers is not really cricket, is it?

Calvin, however, has a special place in my heart and on my bookshelves. I spent a whole $35 on the two volume McNeil edition of the Institutes while I was preparing for ordination and the essay I wrote about them earned me a High Distinction. Another copy of the two volume set was just the right height to prop up the meat safe of missionary friends in Vanuatu when the white ants ate one of its wooden legs.

Do you think the latter is grounds for beginning the process of applying for beatification?

At 10/30/2007 3:08 PM, Anonymous :mic said...

Arius = Yani ?

Wild guess.

At 10/30/2007 6:57 PM, Anonymous One of Freedom said...

Wesley = MC Hammer.


The sad thing is that I know too many fundy fools who think you can't touch charles. LOL. Word.

At 10/30/2007 7:59 PM, Anonymous David Ker said...

You mentioned Calvin, but what about Hobbes?

At 10/31/2007 9:25 AM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...


Hi James, yes, I guess I doidn't think that through.

Judy, C.a.l.v.i.n could be rearranged to mean v.i.l.a.n, er, c.

At 11/01/2007 4:56 AM, Anonymous Owen Weddle said...

Paul Tillich - Chris Tilling


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