A Biblical Guide to Dating
For men: Of course, she's got to look gorgeous too, or there's no point.
2. When the time comes to ask her on a date try this:
'Hi, I've not said this to anyone before (one little 'White Lie' won't hurt), but the Lord told me we will get married. Do you want to obey the Lord or not?'
3. After this has won you a date, spend some time talking about any crap that seems important to him/her (for men: tell her she looks lovely in her blouse, that her eyes are like limpid pools, or any other lie that seems to work) and slowly slide up next to her/him. Then whip out the old 'the Holy Kiss is biblical' line. I.e. start your sentence with 'Is it not written in Rom. 16:16; 1 Co. 16:20; 2 Co. 13:12 and 1 Thess. 5:26' etc. Make it feel like she/he is sinning unless she/he puckers up and 'makes out' good and proper.
4. After you've done some serious Holy Kissing, you need to take the relationship to the next stage. Admittedly, the biblical case for this step is not quite as convincing, but speak quickly and avoid eye contact and you could get a way with it.
First, you need to do some Holy Kissing. Then, when time is ripe, say:
"Darling, did you know that tongues is biblical?"
Then before she/he can answer ... well, you know what to do. Frenchy his/her face off.
5. The last step shouldn't be too hard if they've strung along this far. Essentially, you need to practice some logical deduction with your partner. Wait until you've Frenchied your tongue numb, then raise in conversation:
'You remember what the Lord commanded us about getting married? Well, is it not written in 1 Corinthians 7:9 that "it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion"? Do you not feel the sexual tension in this room (i.e. that you are feeling sexual and that she/he is feeling tense - but don't mention that bit)? You therfore know as well as me what the bible says we must do'
6. Organise the wedding quickly before she/he can stop and think.
It worked for me.