Black arm-band evening
Something terrible happened tonight, the sort of thing that can cause all kinds of difficult philosophical and existential questions to surface and shake a man’s faith.
Yes, the England football team were knocked out by Portugal.
I think the only appropriate response is a minute of silence, so perhaps you will join me. Stop what you are doing, and think about our lads, justice and the meaninglessness of everything with me:
*Looks at watch ... 60 seconds*
*stares around the room*
... 40 seconds left
*whistles - but then thinks of the national anthem and deep emotions start to well up*
*Hence diverts attention to dirt on the keyboard*
*Looks at watch ... 20 second left*
*Thinks of the ten most amusing ways to run over a Portugal football team fan in a glass-bottom Tractor*
*Feels guilty of thoughts and repents*
OK, time is up. If you can, try and get on with your normal life. Me, I’ll go and continue my sulk.