Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The www: world wide wackiness

Who wouldn't want a bagful of dirt posted to them?

Even better, how does a sack of Holy Land mud sound to you, to aid your devotions?

As they say on their webpage, "We are sorry we can't transfer the breathtaking scent of Holy Land soil via the Internet, but we can promise: There is no scent like it!"

Indeedy, especially if a wandering Bedouin just relieved himself on the patch that lands on your doorstep a week later.

Actually, while I am at it I am glad to announce that CTRVHM are now selling bags of Holy Land air ($24 per bag, plus post and package). Please leave the bag sealed, and if it is accidentally opened and suspiciously smells like a few of us lads got together, swilled bear, ate baked beans, laughed and quickly farted into an airtight container, we deny everything. It's all 100% Holy Land air, straight from the offices of CTRVHM.

From the strange to the downright disturbing (depending, of course, on whether you actually open our bag of air – in which case it will already be quite distressing enough): the wack-job self-flagellating crazy man in Dan Brown's novel, The Da Vinci Code need not remain solely on the page of fiction. Now you can buy the products necessary to whip yourself good and proper and scratch the flesh from your own back, all for the sake of personal holiness or penance of course - with your very own cilice. For a tasteful selection of chains, belts, hair vests and whips, click here.

What is more, their "handmade cat-o-seven discipline (seven tails to remind us of the seven deadly sins)" is now selling at an affordable price. In fact, the simple "cord Discipline" (made by Italian Nuns) is selling at a $24 reduction, so you may have enough to even buy one for a friend / spouse.

People, if this stuff can be sold, so can anything. So I'll give it a shot: anybody fancy buying our deluxe collection of used teabags? $50 post and package, and the experience of holding a selection of our old teabags can be yours.


At 4/15/2009 2:34 AM, Anonymous Robert said...

I think you are on to something here! Next you can start selling your reasonably priced recyclables.

At 4/15/2009 2:46 PM, Anonymous metalepsis said...

Are they the fancy PG Tip triangle "trinity" bags? B/C those are worth more than $50!

At 4/16/2009 12:23 PM, Anonymous Rev Tony B said...

Sorry, Chris, but in the interests of ecology and economy, I grow my own used teabags. And they are then composted to become part of our own Holy Land soil samples - in the Garden of what-will-be-Eden-again-if-we-can-stop-next-doors-cat-using-it-as-a-crapper.

At 4/17/2009 3:40 PM, Anonymous matthew r malcolm said...

pfft... until you can match the significant price reductions going down at the cilice website, I'll continue shopping there... but set aside a couple of holy land air for me in case I change my mind


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