Sunday, August 20, 2006

Hades discovered under the sea

I hope I’m at least getting a reputation for running one hell of a blog for this, but today I offer you more ‘proofs’ of Hades for you to enjoy.

These scholars write:

“Do you know why Jacques Costeau [I think they mean Cousteau], the famous underwater explorer, quit deep sea diving sometime before he died? It is said that he stopped because he had heard in one of the underwater caves he was exploring, the sounds of people screaming. There was also another time, when one of his men, who was in a diving bell in the deepest trench at the Bermuda Triangle, also had a similar experience. He signalled to be brought up immediately. After being revived from his shock, he told others of his frightening experience of hearing “screams of people in pain”’
‘Ergo’, so the reasoning goes, ‘hell is proved’.

Utterly convincing, I think you’ll all agree.

Funnily enough, when I click on my favourite EvilDead Death Metal iTunes channel, I hear lots of screams too. Perhaps, ergo, iTunes is also near hell?

Oh, and do visit their webpage here. Not only will you get treated to some real funky music for free (you may, like me, be scrambling to figure out how to turn it off quickly before you start shoving your mouse and keyboard down your ears to block the noise), but you’ll hear about Jesus and the Archangel Michael popping up to tell this Apostolic couple, Elisabeth and Niko (of the punchily named ‘Alpha & Omega Almightywind Ruach Ha Kodesh Wildfire Last Chance Ministry’), all sorts of juicy titbits.

But they excel themselves with the ‘hell song’. Go to this page, and, no, this time you can’t frigging turn the noise off at all. Prepare to get a tad annoyed ...

They present a song sung by ‘a citizen of hell’. It sounds a bit like me on my Grand Theft Auto rampage actually, but they are sure – this is from a vision of hell. Rather alarmingly they’ve even been thoughtful enough to make the following suggestion:
“Would you like a copy of ‘Citizen in Hell’ and the ‘Sounds of Hell’ on CD or tape to share with unsaved family and friends? Contact Elisabeth and let her know ...”!!
Can you imagine it! Inviting Mr and Mrs Cuthbert from next door for a cup of tea, and a rendition of Citizen in Hell (followed with an alter call)!

Reading their Statement of faith it will be noticed that actually, apart from some of their odd language, the strange bit here and there, and the repetition, some of the stuff on this S of F is balanced and gracious, and entirely typical of conservative charismatic American evangelicalism. Indeed, it is a darn site better than some.


At 8/20/2006 6:41 PM, Anonymous One of Freedom said...

Under audible words give to Elisabeth you have to love this one:

"First one rapture, then another for those that I love."

What the hell is that all about? I always get my panties in a bunch over the rapture crapture anyway, but this is just bizarre. Is she implying that there is a first rapture of folks Jesus doesn't love??? what so he can bitch slap them in the sky right into the lake-o-fire or something? Maybe it is to shock them into crapping themselves so Jesus gets a good laugh and decides to love them too, then scoops up the ones he really came for. Or maybe it is to scare the crap out of the ones he really loves, you know so they think they had it wrong, then with a great big heavenly "Just kidding" he scoops up his scared little children and they all laugh while the earth burns with God's jovial fury.

Maybe you could help me figure out this one, cause if the ones Jesus doesn't love get to high tail it outa here then maybe my whole faith needs an overhaul.



At 8/20/2006 6:45 PM, Anonymous One of Freedom said...

Oh sweet, they self confirm their prophecies through other prophecies they get. I feel so much more comfortable buying into their way of faith. Thanks so much for the link Chris, I would be lost without this one.

[still smiling]

At 8/20/2006 10:15 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

"what so he can bitch slap them in the sky right into the lake-o-fire or something?"

*rolls around in laughter!!*

Thanks for the laugh, Frank!

At 8/21/2006 11:50 AM, Anonymous Shane Clifton said...

And who is the phantom YAHUSHUA?

At 8/21/2006 2:20 PM, Anonymous Chris Tilling said...

You don't know YAHUSHUA? I pray for your soul.


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