Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Single Blogpost New Testament Commentary

Is this the Fundamentalist NT Commentary Edition? Or is it closer to home? Is it The Not Far Beneath the Surface of Many in Our Churches Edition? Or is it perhaps the Functional Theology of Many Preachers Edition?

I'll let you decide. Either way, if this doesn't make your skin crawl, we should have a chat.


The exact presentation of all Jesus said and did. Word for word cos inerrancy. Very Jewish take, though, cos it’s all about the law, saying "it is fulfilled" (which proves stuff), and so on. 

But basically you are totally not Sermon on the Mount material, are you? 

You’re filth. 

Nevertheless, there are SO many moral lessons here which will be the basis for most of my sermons. 

Oh yes, Jesus died and rose again.

Don’t understand all this? Read Romans.


The exact presentation of all Jesus said and did. Word for word cos inerrancy. But a bit shorter this time though. BUT THIS TOTALLY RECONCILES WITH MATTHEW.

SO many moral lessons here which will be the basis for most of my sermons. Oh yes, Jesus died and rose again.

Don’t understand all this? Read Romans.


The exact presentation of all Jesus said and did. Word for word cos inerrancy. Slightly different emphasis on social justice. BUT THIS TOTALLY RECONCILES WITH MATTHEW AND MARK.

SO many moral lessons here which will be the basis for most of my sermons. Oh yes, Jesus died and rose again.

Don’t understand all this? Read Romans.


The exact presentation of all Jesus said and did. Word for word cos inerrancy. Very spiritual this one. High. No, not that sort of high, you scumbag. And THIS ONE TOTALLY, TOTALLY RECONCILES PERFECTLY WITH THE OTHER GOSPELS. DENY IT AND YOU ARE FILTH. YOU WANT TO BE FILTH? WELL MOVE ON THEN. 

John 3:16 fist pump.

You still need to read Romans, though.

Postscript to the Gospels

The real take-home point in all this, by the way, is that God’s standard for you is impossibly high, which further means you are in a lot of trouble because of all your filthy shenanigans. 

Denying this only makes you a Catholic. 

Plus Jesus died and rose again which is central to the criterion which Paul will make clear (see below)


This is what the church should really look like. REVIVAL! We need to pray more. Repent more. Look at Paul going all over the place! Maps! Here are some maps! AND THIS TOTALLY RECONCILES WITH GALATIANS CHRONOLOGY.


Okay, now we’re getting to the important stuff. Down to theological business. In sum, here it is:

Dear Romans,
Yes, hello and all that, but let me get to my favourite bit. Namely, a can of cosmic whoop ass is coming your way cos you deserve Chinese burns of biblical proportions.

Three chapters saying: You’re. Filthy. Scum.

And it’s the same whether you’re Jew or Gentile, so don’t get cocky. All have failed to meet the necessary (but, ok, also impossible) standards. Especially Catholics.

But hang on there, another bloke is taking that divine hostility instead – Yes, God is hostile folks, get used to it. God gets nicer a few chapters later.

Now, and this is absolutely key, so long as you choose this unchoosable criterion you'll be able to join those people over there who have satisfied this criterion by choosing it. Make sense? (It would do if you were one of us)

And then you'll get all the good stuff and be able to sing 3 cord songs with guitars and rejoice in the eschatological waterboarding of those who didn't choose it.

Oh, yes, I suppose there is some stuff here, too, about how Jew and Gentile should get on and be nice to each other. Whatever.

Oh, in case you were confused about the “standards” thing above, there is also some stuff here about now living up to that impossible standard after all.

Love and hugs unless Satan gets you, Paul

Rest of the New Testament 

It totally says what Romans says, too. At least it should do if you're reading it right.

Which leads us to…


That’s the can of whoop ass I was telling you about, in IMAX 3D.

Read Romans again.


At 3/22/2016 12:35 AM, Blogger Owen Weddle said...

And now, I just realized I wasted many years at seminary. I anxiously await the same commentary for the Old Testament!

At 3/22/2016 12:42 AM, Blogger Chris Tilling said...

OT: The Jews getting it wrong in slow mo which proves Romans 1-3 is right

At 3/22/2016 12:47 AM, Blogger Owen Weddle said...

When can I get this on Logos?

At 3/22/2016 1:15 AM, Blogger craig.benno said...

It's too chatty and superfluous for my liking.

At 3/22/2016 1:18 AM, Blogger Chris Tilling said...

Is that all, Craig? Nothing else cause difficulties?!

At 3/22/2016 4:12 AM, Blogger Talmidimblogging said...

Throw this outside of The Dung Gate of the Temple.

At 3/22/2016 11:13 AM, Blogger Terry Wright said...

You mean there are NT writings other than Romans? I'm shocked!

At 3/22/2016 6:26 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Just too much fun!
I call it flat worlder theology
And you of course have to pile it higher and deeper

At 3/22/2016 6:28 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

What's wrong with you boy, you just in a hurry....
You should do more better sophistry than that! I'm going to copy and paste that to my Facebook that's too Kool Chris

At 3/22/2016 6:36 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

I just happen to be living around Newport Beach California and I go to church at Pepperdine, I'm not real sure if they think I'm just crazy or stupid yet this little post should set a straight. What I used to do wear a sweatshirt on the back it was white and a hoodie it had football then underneath it had staff.
And on the front of it in big letters big blue letters.
no matter where I went I hate to say it like this they would come out of the woodwork. Unfortunately I lost the sweatshirt it was great I had too much fun.

At 3/22/2016 7:13 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

My first wife had an IQ of 167 she's 42 my oldest daughter kind of like her mom.
She used to tell me when I pop off a little bit.
Dad that's just sick and wrong
Wait till your kid gets a little older

At 3/22/2016 10:23 PM, Blogger Doug said...

And do those on the receiving end of your lectures just listen to you long enough to work out how to pass their assignments, and then go back to this "real" gospel?

At 3/27/2016 7:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I've got your apocalyptic me down solid Chris.
Establishing, righteous faithful love, through actions and harmony, establishing peace through overcoming chaos , establishing
faithful righteousness.

For the purpose of his very good! THROUGH THE restoration of all things, establishing his glory in the act of redemption, for all those that believe (His BODY). Through giving his Life(BLOOD), that all SHOULD live THROUGH THE Spirit( the loving law of righteous Liberty). In the new Tabernacle the restoration of the body of his dearly beloved Son.

Blessings this Easter be nice to know what you thought about this
Richard constant

At 4/05/2016 1:55 AM, Blogger Edwardtbabinski said...

If you have an "inspired" collection of writings, but loads of people disagree concerning what they say or mean, from conservatives to moderates to liberals, and sectarian interpretations, then what's the point of claiming they are "inspired?"

Hence the move to claim that one's interpretations are "the best" or "inspired" interpretations, and endless numbers of Christians debunking each other's interpretations.

At 6/17/2016 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am checking the Chicago Manual of Style to ensure my referencing of this in my Introduction to the New Testament essay for Dr Tilling is accurate. I wouldn't want to lose marks...

At 6/17/2016 12:45 PM, Blogger Chris Tilling said...

Ha! Only top quality sources in your essay, then!

At 1/29/2017 4:31 PM, Blogger Nate Bostian said...

I know I am a year and half too late, and because we just inaugurated Trump we probably will all die soon. But this is really, really good stuff. Hilarious in fact. I might use it at the end of my NT class, when about 1/3 of the class will get the jokes.


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